Friday 3 December 2010

New Tasty Global Government


Capitalism! Communism! Democracy! All these political systems have failed! Capitalism has resulted in catastrophic financial, global meltdown that has plunged nation after nation into austerity! Communism has resulted in close to a billion innocents murdered! And Democracy has resulted in the creation and massed breeding of chavs! Clearly a new system must be conceived of by a gifted mind! MY MIND IS GIFTED! And so I formulate the solution to all the world’s woes thusly.
What is the most important thing that the Good Life of any quality human-being revolves around? What is essentially the lifeblood of all good citizens of any worth-while society? The answer is obvious to all who have ears and mouths. Chicken Wings are the single most important natural resource that mankind has dominion over. From buffalo-class units to the multiple conditioned wings of Nandos! Imagine a world without chicken wings? I’d put a bullet in my head! And I know everyone else ever to live thinks the same way, including Moses!
So I propose a system of government that revolves around this substance. I call it the Global Chicken Wing Exchange Mechanism with Attached Governmental Controls for the Continued Existence of Chicken Consuming Homo-Sapiens - or Chickenwingism for short.
Chickenwingism revolves around the bartering of high-quality chicken wings from Chicken Wing Houses such as the House of Nandos and the House of KFC. These houses are spread throughout the world and oversee the production and cooking of these delicious treats. Everyone works in service to a competing house and these houses compete to deliver the most tasty chicken wings ever. Each Chicken Wing House has a Chicken Wing Overseer elected from the best chefs of said House. Every year worldwide elections are held to elect one Overseer to the position of President of the Global Chicken Order. His remit includes making sure there are enough chicken wings for everyone on the planet and the continuation of the chicken-wing space program (CWSP) which is tasked with exploring space in the hope of finding super-chickens whose wings we must harvest.
So long as everyone is fed well on chicken wings with plenty of gravy and fries one shall have world peace. Each House has its own group of scientists and healthcare corps to deal with cures for cancer and better televisions etc (to watch adverts concerning chicken wings) and each scientist etc shall partake in more chicken wings than the average chickizen (citizen) upon the creation of cures and the healing of peoples. There more cures you come up with or the more advanced cars you design the more chicken wings you get. No single motivating factor on earth can compare to the desire for a good chicken wing.
Now I know what you’re thinking! What if there aren’t enough chickens to eat! Well I doubt that will ever happen with 10 chicken farms in every town but to assuage your fears the No Wings 4 Fat People Act will be enacted in the global Chicken Parliament (The Chickement). Whenever someone gets fat his chicken wing intake upon pain of frying will be decreased until he or she is no longer a fat waste of space. Thus the chicken-equilibrium is allowed to continue as mother-hen intended.
I know Chickenwingism is a controversial form of governance and may have been conceived of on an empty stomach but seriously it’s totally the best way for man to live. It is gravy-tight and man’s last, best hope for peace.
I love chicken wings and these are the sayings of Poosh.